the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
