He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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