I met the friendliest cop last night
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
