I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
