Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
you had me at cake vodka
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
