yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
