so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
