Define "chronic" masturbator.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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