I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
