Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
