i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
