meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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