thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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