im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
