Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
