By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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