Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
