I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
