Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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