Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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