I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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