Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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