you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
