Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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