So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
