What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
