Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
