How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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