I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize