i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
