So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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