Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
