Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
