I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We don't watch enough power rangers
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
