I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
