I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I understand Curling. That high.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
