And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
this hospital has no fireball
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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