Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
