I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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