As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
