lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
