I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
