My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
