can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
