You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
