hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize