i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Drunk is not a location!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
