Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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