I have demons in me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
