omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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