Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
