respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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