Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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