Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
