She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
