we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
