you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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