ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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