you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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