Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
there is glitter all over my balls
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
