I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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