i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
