i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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