O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
