I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
