where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
