haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
