Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
