My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
