cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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