There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I am available for nakedness
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
