I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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