Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
