he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
