first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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