Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
