The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
